When you feel anxious, you don’t have to make yourself “completely calm” straight away.
A more practical approach: first let your body slow down, work out what you are worried about, and then decide what to do next.
Feeling nervous before an exam, being afraid to speak in front of the class, worrying that a friend doesn’t like you, going somewhere unfamiliar for the first time — situations like these can all make children and teenagers feel anxious. Anxiety itself is a normal emotional response.
When anxiety comes, we can learn some methods to help ourselves steady the body, sort out our thoughts, and face what needs to be dealt with, one step at a time.
The methods below are everyday self-care. They are not treatment for anxiety disorders, and they may not suit everyone. Try several and find what works for you.
First, remember: you don’t have to get rid of anxiety straight away
When we feel anxious, it is easy to think: “I must stop feeling nervous right now.” But the harder we push the anxiety down, the more we may end up fixating on our heartbeat, breathing and worries.
Try a different thought:
“I am feeling a bit anxious right now — my body is raising an alarm. Let me steady myself first, then deal with this.”
Anxiety usually affects the body, thoughts and behaviour at the same time, so the methods below work on all three.
Method 1: Let your body slow down first
When you are anxious, you may notice a faster heartbeat, quicker breathing, sweaty palms, an upset stomach, or tense shoulders. Start with slow breathing:[1][2]
- Find a comfortable place to sit;
- Breathe in slowly — you don’t have to fill your lungs completely;
- Then breathe out slowly;
- If you like counting, try breathing in for a count of 3 and out for a count of 3, and repeat a few times.
What matters isn’t the number — it is letting the breath become steady and comfortable. Younger children can practise together with a parent.
If breathing practice makes you feel worse, don’t force it. Some people feel more uncomfortable when they focus on their breath or bodily sensations while very anxious. In that case, go straight to Method 2.
Method 2: Bring your attention back to the present
Anxiety often pulls our attention into “things that haven’t happened yet”: “What if I do badly in the exam?” “What if everyone laughs at me?”
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise:[3]
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch or feel
- 3 sounds you can hear
- 2 smells you can notice
- 1 thing you can taste
For example: “I can see a window, a table, a lamp, a book and a pair of shoes.”
The point isn’t to tell yourself “nothing is wrong” — it is to let your attention move away from worries about the future and come back to this moment.
Method 3: Tell someone you trust
Sometimes the hardest part of anxiety isn’t the situation itself — it is “I am carrying this alone.” Find someone you trust and say it out loud: a parent, a family member, a teacher, a school social worker, a counsellor, or a friend.[2][4]
You don’t need to explain everything perfectly. You can simply say:
“There is something I have been worrying about, and I would like someone to listen.”
“I am feeling anxious at the moment, but I don’t know how to explain it.”
That is already a very good start.
Method 4: Write down your worries and break them into small steps
Sometimes the problem isn’t that we don’t know what we are worried about — it is that too many things are crammed into our head at once. Writing thoughts down is a common coping method.[4]
Take a piece of paper and write down everything that worries you, without judging whether it is reasonable. Then ask yourself three questions:
- What am I most worried about right now? Circle the most important one.
- What can I do about it now? For example, “I haven’t finished revising” — what you can do now is revise the next chapter, not think about the whole exam.
- What can’t I control right now? For example, “I don’t know what will be on the exam” — so bring your attention back to what you can do.
Anxiety also makes things look much bigger than they are. Break big tasks into small ones, and do only the step in front of you:
“Prepare for the exam” → revise chapter one today → start with the first section → just do the first question now
This method suits exam pressure, too much homework, giving a presentation, being afraid to start conversations, or having so many things to do that you don’t know where to begin.
Method 5: Face things step by step, instead of always avoiding them
When we are afraid of something, the most direct thought is “just don’t do it”: afraid of speaking up, so skip the presentation; afraid of classmates, so skip the activity. Avoidance makes us feel better for a short while — but if we avoid completely every time, we may start to believe more and more that “this really is dangerous, I can’t do it.”
When it is safe and suitable for you, you can break the feared situation into very small steps and gradually increase what you can face. For example, if speaking in class feels terrifying:
- First practise saying it at home;
- Then practise with someone familiar;
- Then say one sentence in a small group;
- Then slowly try bigger situations.
This step-by-step approach to feared situations (exposure therapy) is an important part of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). The World Health Organization notes that CBT is one of the psychological treatments with the most evidence for anxiety disorders.[1]
Two important points:
- Facing fears step by step is best done with someone alongside you, planning together. Don’t push a child into a situation they find terrifying without talking it through first — it can backfire.[2]
- If what you fear involves real danger — such as bullying, violence or abuse — this is not a matter of “conquering fear”. Please ask an adult and a professional for help first.
Method 6: Take care of your body
Anxiety and stress don’t only happen in the mind — the body is involved too. These everyday habits can help ease anxiety:[1][4]
- Move your body: walking, running, swimming, ball games, stretching — even just getting up and walking around. It doesn’t have to become a competition; 10 minutes at a time still counts.
- Sleep well: keep a regular routine as much as possible; do calming things rather than stimulating things before bed; if your mind won’t switch off, write your worries down first. Lack of sleep makes it harder to concentrate and to regulate emotions the next day.
- Eat regularly: eat on time and try to eat a balanced diet.
- Watch the caffeine: coffee, some teas, energy drinks and some soft drinks contain caffeine, which can make your heart race and leave you feeling restless. NIMH advises avoiding excessive caffeine. If you notice you feel more tense after drinking it, consider cutting down.
If you are very anxious right now: a 5-minute plan
You don’t need to do all the methods at once. Just these five steps:
- Minute 1: Stop. Put down what you are doing, sit down, plant both feet on the floor, and tell yourself: “I am anxious right now, but I can handle this moment first.”
- Minute 2: Breathe slowly. Take a few comfortable, slow breaths. Don’t force yourself to inhale to the maximum.
- Minute 3: Look around. Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear.
- Minute 4: Name your worry. Ask yourself: “What exactly am I worried about right now?” Say it out loud or write it down.
- Minute 5: Decide only the next step. You don’t need to solve everything — just ask: “What is the smallest thing I can do right now?” Then do it.
Different situations, different methods to try first
| If right now you… | You can try… |
|---|---|
| have a racing heart and a tense body | slow breathing |
| can’t stop thinking about the future | the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise |
| don’t know why you feel irritable | writing it down, talking to someone |
| have so much homework you don’t know where to start | breaking tasks into small steps |
| are avoiding something because you are afraid | facing it one small step at a time, when it is safe |
| have been under a lot of pressure lately | exercise, rest, regular sleep |
| feel worse the more you think alone | tell someone you trust |
| find anxiety affecting school and daily life | tell an adult and seek professional help |
Some approaches that are not recommended
When we feel awful, it is natural to want the fastest way to escape the feeling. But these approaches can make things more complicated:
- Avoiding the things that scare you for a long time;
- Using alcohol or other substances to “relax” — this can actually make anxiety worse;[1]
- Relying on caffeine to keep going;
- Giving up activities entirely because you are afraid of failing;
- Carrying it alone for a long time without telling anyone.
Our goal isn’t “never feel anxious again”. It is:
“Even when I feel anxious, I can gradually learn to take care of myself, deal with problems, and ask for help when I need it.”
When should you ask for help?
If you have tried some of these methods and the anxiety is still there, don’t put all the responsibility on yourself. When anxiety starts to affect school, studying, sleep, eating, or relationships with family and friends — or makes you less and less willing to join in activities — tell a trusted adult and consider seeking professional help, such as a doctor, school counsellor, or child and adolescent mental health professional.[1][2][4]
The World Health Organization notes that anxiety disorders have effective treatments, and people with symptoms should seek help.[1]
If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, or cannot keep yourself safe, do not rely on the methods in this article alone. Tell a trusted adult nearby immediately, or contact a medical service or your local emergency services.
Finally, remember one thing
Anxiety is not your enemy, and it is not your fault.
Sometimes it is reminding you: “This matters to me.” You can learn to recognise the feeling, slow your body down, break problems into smaller pieces, say it to someone, and face what you can face, one step at a time.
If anxiety has grown so big that you can’t live your normal life, you don’t have to solve it alone. Asking for help is itself a way of coping with anxiety.
References
The following online resources were accessed on 8 October 2026.
- World Health Organization (WHO). Anxiety disorders [Fact sheet]. 15 September 2026. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders
- National Health Service (NHS), UK. Anxiety in children. Last reviewed 5 August 2026. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/anxiety-in-children/
- NHS inform (NHS Scotland). Grounding exercises. Updated 9 December 2025. https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/breathing-and-relaxation-exercises/grounding-exercises
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). I’m So Stressed Out! Fact Sheet. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/so-stressed-out-fact-sheet
About this material: This article is public mental health education and a self-care guide. It cannot replace assessment and treatment by a doctor, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or other qualified professional. Different methods work differently for different people. If anxiety is persistent, severe, or affecting daily life, please seek professional help.